Mountain Bike Misadventure

Story Summary: Trev the Squirrel, on his day off from the Nut Exchange, decides to take his brand new S-Works Epic 8 mountain bike, which cost him a lot of acorns, for a spin.

While biking the East Glacier Loop Trail Trev ecounters the black bear Bradly Bruenwald after dismounting to take an iced coffee break. Sipping from his thermos, which he brought with him in an electric cooler attached to his bike rack, Trev is frightened when Bradly emerges from the woods and charges him while snarling and shouting for Trev to hand over his wallet.

Trev drops his thermous and hops on his bike, peddling furiously. Later, back at The Mendenhall Glacier Visitor Center parking lot, Trev encounters Police Chief Gareth Grizzly.

 Alternate Images 




image1: NightCafe. image2: Microsoft Designer. image3: Copilot, expanded using AIease Image Expander.

image caption: Treabhair T. Acweorna Drives his 2021 Chevy Colorado Truck passing Collin Wolfaz on his Way to The Mendenhall Glacier Visitor Center in Juneau Alaska.

Giant Bride In Polka Dots

The wedding of Astrid and Beagan, star crossed lovers who are determined to make it work despite the size difference.

Buddy Bunny Plots Murder At Midnight

Buddy Bunny slunk in and out of the shadows. The moon was high in the heavens and the stars shone brightly. He was careful to not be spotted as he stalked his prey -- Pulchellus, the impossibly cute gold dragon.

Buddy's heart hardened. He reached inside his sweatshirt's kangaroo pocket, feeling around for his pocket pistol.

"You will die tonight", Buddy whispered as his eyes narrowed. He had been assured this would do the trick, given that Pulchellus had recently molted his scales; a part of the normal dragon growth process.

Stalking him for months, looking for a weakness, suddenly it became clear. That was the day Buddy saw the normally scaled dragon completely lacking them.

With scales a dragon is nearly invulnerable. Without them? He should be able to pull it off.

"Lawful Good, my fluffy bunny tail", Buddy scoffed.

Then he remembered his tail was gone. As were his ears and whiskers. The painful memories flooded back. That horrible day when flames consumed his burrow, the conflagration nearly burning him alive. Unfortunately he lived. Though numerous members of his fluffle perished, incinerated in an instant.

While convalescing in the hospital's burn unit, he saw a news report that shocked him. The nurse flipped on the TV and left the room. As a morphine drip eased his pain, an Enchanted Forest News Tonight reporter cheerfully related the story of a dragon fire-breathing contest that, previously unbeknownst to him, took place near his warren.

Then he saw the footage that clearly incriminated the culprit -- Pulchellus, the world-famous, impossibly cute gold dragon, star of the eponymous TV show, Pulchellus: The Impossibly Cute Gold Dragon.

Buddy Bunny, rising from the flowers, a lone figure of vengeance, drew his weapon and fired.

Hearing a pop, Pulchellus turned.

"Owe!" the surprised dragon exclaimed as the bullet pierced his breast. "That hurt!"

Pulchellus looked down and saw a spot of sunlit plasma (dragon blood) on his favorite T-shirt. "Why did you do that?" he inquired as he poked the hole.

"You are a strange looking chap", the befuddled dragon remarked as he dug out the bullet and flicked it away. "That wasn't very nice". His scowl deepened as he traced the bullet hole with one claw. "Ruined. This was my favorite shirt. I got this at the DragonStock festival last year".

Buddy's jaw dropped. The wizard he purchased the Dragonbane bullet from was positive it would work. Even though his low caliber pea-shooter could not possibly penetrate dragon scale. But with no scales? Pulchellus should be dead.

Buddy let out a strangled cry of defeat. "You may as well finish me off!" the earless coney wailed.

"What do you mean? You assaulted me". The dragon blinked at him, utterly baffled. This little dude might be off his rocker. Perhaps he was an obsessed fan?

"Hey, man, I'll give you a pass this time, but I better never see you again". Then he left. Pulchellus had to be on the set tomorrow bright and early and didn't have time to waste with this weird little dude.

As the dragon departed Buddy regained his composure. This wasn't over. He would reassess and formulate a new plan. He found the Dragonbane bullet on the ground and picked it up. First thing tomorrow he would hop over to the Wizard's shop and demand a full refund. Obviously it was defective.

Emilia the Troubadour Calico Serenades The Night

Emilia the Troubadour Calico strums her ukulele, performing an original composition titled "The Kitty Cat Waltz" as crickets chirp in accompaniment. The cool night breeze carries a sweet floral fragrance through the air. Her companion, a mouse named Henrik, hearing an owl hoot, panicked and decided to hightail it back home.

After Henrick fled, Emilia began to sing, improvising the following lyrics...

Hey, bitty ditty, a tale to be sung, The cat strummed a riddle as twilight begun. My murine buddy took off in a fright, Dancing away in the silver moonlight.

The owl let out a chuckling screech, A dinner lost, just out of reach! But the crickets hummed in time so sweet, A melody soft for feline feet.

The Arcane Constructs Of Ambrosius Filius Balinor

 Image 1:  The Arcane Construct, The Impetum Machina Versio I, also known as Edrus. A creation of the Veneficus, Ambrosius Filius Balinor; Merlin's less adept half-brother.

Reciting words of great power, the automaton awakens. All seems well -- until Ambrosius decides to field-test its lightning attack. Magical energy crackles, then misfires with disastrous results. White-hot plasma erupts from Edrus's sword hilt, scorching the ground and setting off a forest fire of catastrophic proportions.

This signaled the beginning of his problems. After a number of villagers were burned out of their homes, he heard rumors that the peons were referring to him as "Ambrosisus the Evil, Bringer of Destruction".

Later, Ambrosisus returns and finds Edrus, a smouldering shell. "Back to the drawing board", the disappointed wizard laments.

 Image 2:  The Arcane Construct, The Impetum Machina Versio II, also known as Fridericus. Ambrosius Filius Balinor's 2nd attempt at creating an automaton with a lighting attack ability, which (this time) is successful.

While on an expedition into the wilderness, Ambrosisus, forgetting to memorize an Incendio (and also forgetting his flint and steel) commands Fridericus to ignite his campfire.

"Use a cantrip, master", Fridericus advises.

Ambrosius frowns, displeased with his automaton's insolence. Though he decides to give it a try. Reciting minor words of power, Ambrosius intones "Ignis Cretae", then screams in pain as the magical flame sears his flesh.

Magi Adventures Ineptiae aka The Wizard Follies

The Wizard Ambrosius Filius Balinor is hopelessly lost at sea. As a storm looms on the horizon, the ocean roars and lightning tears across the sky. Desperate to escape, he conjures a magic door, hoping to teleport back to dry land before the tempest claims him.


Meanwhile, on an alternate earth, the wizard Inconcinnus Fatuus, eager to test his newly acquired Riftplank, departed from the domicile of the Dark Mage of Magicae Insulam. His journey home was meant to be simple -- until the sea turned treacherous. A great white shark, eyes cold and calculating, surged from the depths, halting his return with a sudden and ferocious attack.

"Your Riftplank comes with a free gift", Potens Magus Tenebris (known to most as Haraldus the Arcane Crafter) informed him as he collected payment, a bag of sparking diamonds and rubies.

Inconcinnus Fatuus examined his purchase. It appeared to be nothing more than an assemblage of weathered boards, but Haraldus assured him it opened a rift to The Voluptatem Dimensionem (The Pleasure Dimension). Needless to say, he was eager to try it out.

"These runes activate the Riftplank", Haraldus explained, pointing to arcane engravings inscribed in the wood.

"Excellent!" Fatuus exclaimed. "And what is the free gift you mentioned?"

Haraldus produced a severed, withered human hand from a royal red silk bag. "This is The Manus of Vocare Pistris", he said. "It summons sea creatures to do your bidding".

Fatuus narrowed his eyes skeptically. "You want me to have this for free?" he asked, doubting Haraldus would grant him such a boon at no extra charge.

"This relic was fated to be yours", Haraldus replied. "The Tzigane woman I acquired it from warned me never to use it -- but instead to hold onto it until I could confer it to a greater wizard. She said I would know him immediately when I saw him".

This tale sounded exceedingly plausible to Fatuus. He was a extraordinary wizard, after all. Apparently greater than Haraldus. He appreciated the man's candid honesty. So he accepted the Manus of Vocare Pistris and departed (remembering to take his Riftboard). "This will so be worth the small fortune I paid", he said, thinking of the hedonistic delights he would indulge in once he rifted to The Voluptatem Dimensionem.

Pushing his boat into the waters, he noticed storm clouds gathering on the horizon. He licked his finger, held it up to the wind, and assessed the situation. "I will surely be home long before the storm hits", he concluded confidently.

Bera Docga, The Canis Homo Machina

Bera Docga toils in his workshop to implement his design. "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. But they will like me even more as a cyborg".

Video: Sep 23, 2013. Daily Affirmation: Politics. Saturday Night Live.

Macula Bonuspuer, Mutatio Figura

Macula Bonuspuer, Mutatio Figura (bear-dog shapeshifter) hefts his Tonitru Baculum (thunder staff).

"Macula Bonuspuer" literally translates (from Latin) to "the spot of the good boy". The phrase could refer to a literal spot or mark on a boy, or it could be used figuratively to represent a fault or defect associated with someone perceived as "good" or virtuous. Note: The exact meaning would depend on the context in which the phrase is used.

Spot, the Good Boy (my interpretation).

#weredog #dndcharacter #werebear

d0n0ld Has A Spine of Steel?

0ld man d0n0ld has a "spine of steel"? Is he Wolverine, except that, instead of adamantium being bound to his skeleton, d0n0ld has steel bound to his?

This idiocy is as per Press Secretary Barbie, Karoline Leavitt. Clearly chosen because she is d0n0ld's type. Large busted and blonde.

According to Babepedia, Karoline's measurements are 38-26-38 and her cup size is 36D.

In the reddit thread r/womenoftheright, ukfan1622 writes, "I don't know if there’s another White House press secretary that has better tits than her".

Another commenter that calls himself mindrape69 says, "She's smoking hott and smart af super turn on aka bonue I bet she gives good happy endings with her mouth".

I don't know about that. Though I have heard that the nutter Laura Loomer has given oral pleasure to d0n0ld's cheeto.

There is another reddit thread on this titled, "Laura Loomer says she gave Trump the best blowjob of his life".



Sep 17, 2024. Laura Loomer ERUPTS With Absolutely Gross Sexual Rant About Harris. The Damage Report. Laura Loomer continues her racist and insane rant about Kamala Harris, an affair with Donald Trump, women sleeping around to get ahead and more. John Iadarola and Jayar Jackson break it down on The Damage Report.